A lot has happened since I last wrote. That would make sense, it was a long time ago. I've now moved from effexor & lithium, to lithium and moclobemide (which has to be the worst drug I've ever tried), to lithium and nortriptyline and finally to just nortriptyline. More recently I've discovered that the nortriptyline (100 mg/daily) has been causing problems with my energy level. When I took it in the morning, I was so tired I could barely function I was so tired, when I took it before bed I often can't fall asleep and almost always wake up every hour on the hour after about 5 am. That's not even mentioning that since I've started the nortriptyline I've developped hypomanic-like symptoms. A divided dose just leaves me tired all day and not able to sleep at night. I've put in a request to see a pdoc, because my GP won't touch my meds anymore. I guess once you've tried thirteen different meds with limited success, they don't really know what to do with you anymore.

Five

Because I really have very little to say right now, here's a list of five words. Do with them as you wish.

1. Atomizer
2. Cassette
3. Rice
4. Window ledge
5. Streaker

That is all.

Tough Questions

I've decided to cut my hair. At this point it's most of the way down my back and since I always wear it up anyway, it seems kind of pointless to have it. So, like the last time I cut my hair, I will chop it all off and donate it to a charity that makes wigs for kids with cancer. This got me thinking about all the people in my life who have had cancer and realized just how many of them are blood relatives (both grandfathers, my grandmother, my aunt, and my father). I realize that apart from this illness, I know very little about the medical history of my family, it's just something that we keep hidden in the attic. Knowing that my own medical history is quite complicated, I've decided that I really do need to make my own medical family tree. After doing a bit of searching online, I've found some simple forms that I can adapt to add a few more details I would like to know and now have to figure out how to get my relatives to fill them out. Some questions are no big deal, such as do you have allergies or migraines, but how do I ask a family that just doesn't talk about these things about miscarriages, mental illness and alcoholism? Does anyone really want to reveal about these issues? My mother is the most open, maybe I should just start with her and see what happens.

Unsolicited Callers

Out of boredom tonight I googled my work's number, curious to see what the people we call thought about my calling them on 800notes.com, and after reading it, I wanted to set a few things straight for those who don't work in a call centre.

Myth #1: I am calling you because I enjoy annoying you.
Fact: I call you because it's my job, I do it so I can pay my rent.

Myth #2: I call you during dinner on purpose.
Fact: People eat dinner at a wide range of times, I am not psychic, I don't know when you personally sit down to eat.

Myth #3: You can report me for calling you if you are on the national do not call list.
Fact: The Do Not Call list does not apply to organizations that are not selling anything, however if you feel what I am doing is inappropriate you may report me to the MRIA or the CRTC.

Myth #4: Yelling obsenities or saying that you are busy will make the calls stop.
Fact: The people who work in call centres are human too and for the most do not enjoy being yelled at. Yelling may result in an early morning weekend callback. If you don't wish to be called again politely say "take me off your list" and it will be done. It's pointless to call someone who doesn't want to participate anyway.

Myth #5: We are all automated answering machines and not real people.
Fact: We follow a script that we may have said several hundred times before, it all becomes very routine. While we are human, everything becomes very robotic over time.

Well, that's enough of that pointless rant. I'm bored of this.

Bitching and Moaning Over the Trivial Things

My kingdom for a day without medication side effects... Insomnia that makes me feel like I've just done speed, that pesky 'itchy brain' sensation that makes me feel like I'm losing my grasp on reality, and some that I'm not willing to discuss. It will be months before I get the chance to discuss all of this with a doctor who knows anything about this terrible drug. The question remains, that since the medication (somewhat) works, do I just live with the effects and stop complaining or stop the moclobemide all together. I don't know. All I know is that ya don't fuck with MAOIs.

Up Before the Crack of Dawn

I'm bored, so have decided to start blogging again.

My life feels like it's been skewed slightly to the left lately. In order to make a bit of extra cash, I've agreed to work the early morning shift. This means getting to work for 4:30 am in order to call Brits. I honestly don't mind it, but am getting really confused about what time it is during the day. Going to be before the sun sets is not easy, and neither is having a strict routine that just doesn't seem to jive with what everyone else is doing. At least with these hours it's hard to spend a lot of money, no one seems to want to go out on the town at 2 pm...

Either due to my exhaustion from the drastic change in my sleeping pattern, or from the latest set of crazy pills, I've decided that one of my roommates is a total douche bag and am trying to avoid him at all costs. This is mostly due to his comments to me on three occasions which amounted to "yo bitch, where the fuck is the Wii?" Now it must be noted that the Wii is mine and I had taken it with me while I was cat-sitting for my parents for a total of 2 weeks. I'm not impressed with this behaviour, and even less impressed with his derogatory langague against at least three minority groups when he was playing and consequently loosing against other wi-fi players, many of whom are probably children. I know I'm petty, but I'm annoyed, and there you have it.

Ballad of a Call Centre Employee

Tonight for some random reason I read MetLife Identifies Chronic Absences and Lost Productivity Among Call Center Employees; New Report Provides Employers with Key Data on Call Center Productivity Issues, Offers Ideas on Reversing High Absence Trends and I honestly can't understand why these and other researchers are having such a hard time figuring out why there are high absentee rates (among other things) at call centers.

I've worked at two different centers, both for around 6 months. The first was incoming food sales - simple enough, take their order and have the food sent to them in 40 minutes or it's free. The current one is outgoing market research - call people at home and ask their opinions on everything from politics to their health. Both have made me crazy, and both were great places to procure vast quantities of drugs.

I don't understand how the scientists can't see that an anonymous work environment without a set place to call your own or set hours can be good for the human psyche. Almost everyone I have worked with is insane or getting there. How can it possibly be humane to be told to call over 100 a day, mostly during their dinner hour, and have 95% of them tell you to fuck off in no uncertain terms? And to be competing against your fellow employee for the highest productivity rating...or else you're fired. Is this honestly healthy? There is a reason people drink before they come to work.

I just don't get it. It's not a good work environment, how can companies think they will have happy, productive employees in an environment like this? It's beyond me. And clearly our plight is beyond the scientists.