What Were The Drugs Hiding Anyway?

I haven't been terribly good at keeping up with writing my Effexor withdrawal journal. Very little has happened quickly, all the changes have been quite gradual. The headaches and dizziness have pretty much stopped, which makes me very happy, as I was concerned with getting addicted to the barbiturates in my migraine medication. Now I've discovered that I still have issues with depression that were hidden under the drugs. I'm finding I've been going from hyper and euphoric (although not manic) to depressed and back almost every day. I am not bipolar, but the hook-handed doctor did suggest that it may reveal itself in the future. So I'm a little concerned that this cycling may be a sign of things down the road.

I'd write more, I'd write something more intelligent, but I'm just too high to bother.

Day 20....Possibly

Again, the usual dizziness and nausea. I never know what's really from the whole withdrawal and what isn't, but the past few days I've had quite severe episodes of restless leg. Manageable, but annoying as hell. This week I'll be alternating 150 mg and 75 mg capsules as I don't have anything smaller. I can't believe how quickly I've been able to push this detox. We'll see what happens next.

With all these chemical changes, plus all the changes to my circadian rhythm, I really should be more careful and get my serum Li+ and hemoglobin A1c tested, or at least test my whole blood glucose levels more than a couple of times a week. Yup I should do that one of these days...

Day 16 or So

Today was bitter-sweet and quite emotional so it's hard to tell what's me, what's potential illness or what's just the drugs. More headaches, dizziness and nausea, but at this point, that goes without saying. Firstly, I quit my job as I start back at Assessment Strategies next week. The job sucked, but the people there were amazing. It hasn't hit me that I'm finished there. After work, Devin and a coworker, Sarah and I drank a bottle of wine and got stoned in the park. Afterwards Dev and I were watching a conversation he was having on MSN mobile with Betty-Jane. Hearing what she was saying was like a punch in the gut. Stuff like this makes me know I'm not 100% normal because my response was not appropriate. I guess it goes to prove that addictions die hard. I get upset like that and the urges start all over again. But that's another story altogether...

I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing with this whole detox plan. If anything, I may just go off this shit so I can get on something with a longer half life. Who knows... I certainly don't have any answers.

Day 14

I've been on my withdrawal program for two weeks now, and while the prozac has stopped the "sensory disturbances" (a.k.a. brain shocks) for which effexor is so infamous, I am really getting sick of the nausea and dizziness. I can function normally, but all I want to do is lie down and rest my eyes. But for having gone down 50% or 150 mg in one week is pretty good.

My biggest concern right now is that I've been getting short bursts of intense depression every day now. Is this from the new drugs, or the withdrawal or did I still need those pills? Either way I'm not going back on effexor, the half life is just too short to be a practical med.

And for those who may be curious, here's a semi-complete list of the other pills I've enjoyed over the last seven years. Most of them were taken in combination with others. I guess I'm just proof that no matter what we do, man can never conquer nature ;-).

• Celexa
• Wellbutrin
• Effexor
• Seroquel
• Risperidal
• Buspar
• Clonazepam
• Bromazepam
• Lithium
• Prozac
• Zyprexa
• Xanax (Recreationally)