What Were The Drugs Hiding Anyway?

I haven't been terribly good at keeping up with writing my Effexor withdrawal journal. Very little has happened quickly, all the changes have been quite gradual. The headaches and dizziness have pretty much stopped, which makes me very happy, as I was concerned with getting addicted to the barbiturates in my migraine medication. Now I've discovered that I still have issues with depression that were hidden under the drugs. I'm finding I've been going from hyper and euphoric (although not manic) to depressed and back almost every day. I am not bipolar, but the hook-handed doctor did suggest that it may reveal itself in the future. So I'm a little concerned that this cycling may be a sign of things down the road.

I'd write more, I'd write something more intelligent, but I'm just too high to bother.

Day 20....Possibly

Again, the usual dizziness and nausea. I never know what's really from the whole withdrawal and what isn't, but the past few days I've had quite severe episodes of restless leg. Manageable, but annoying as hell. This week I'll be alternating 150 mg and 75 mg capsules as I don't have anything smaller. I can't believe how quickly I've been able to push this detox. We'll see what happens next.

With all these chemical changes, plus all the changes to my circadian rhythm, I really should be more careful and get my serum Li+ and hemoglobin A1c tested, or at least test my whole blood glucose levels more than a couple of times a week. Yup I should do that one of these days...

Day 16 or So

Today was bitter-sweet and quite emotional so it's hard to tell what's me, what's potential illness or what's just the drugs. More headaches, dizziness and nausea, but at this point, that goes without saying. Firstly, I quit my job as I start back at Assessment Strategies next week. The job sucked, but the people there were amazing. It hasn't hit me that I'm finished there. After work, Devin and a coworker, Sarah and I drank a bottle of wine and got stoned in the park. Afterwards Dev and I were watching a conversation he was having on MSN mobile with Betty-Jane. Hearing what she was saying was like a punch in the gut. Stuff like this makes me know I'm not 100% normal because my response was not appropriate. I guess it goes to prove that addictions die hard. I get upset like that and the urges start all over again. But that's another story altogether...

I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing with this whole detox plan. If anything, I may just go off this shit so I can get on something with a longer half life. Who knows... I certainly don't have any answers.

Day 14

I've been on my withdrawal program for two weeks now, and while the prozac has stopped the "sensory disturbances" (a.k.a. brain shocks) for which effexor is so infamous, I am really getting sick of the nausea and dizziness. I can function normally, but all I want to do is lie down and rest my eyes. But for having gone down 50% or 150 mg in one week is pretty good.

My biggest concern right now is that I've been getting short bursts of intense depression every day now. Is this from the new drugs, or the withdrawal or did I still need those pills? Either way I'm not going back on effexor, the half life is just too short to be a practical med.

And for those who may be curious, here's a semi-complete list of the other pills I've enjoyed over the last seven years. Most of them were taken in combination with others. I guess I'm just proof that no matter what we do, man can never conquer nature ;-).

• Celexa
• Wellbutrin
• Effexor
• Seroquel
• Risperidal
• Buspar
• Clonazepam
• Bromazepam
• Lithium
• Prozac
• Zyprexa
• Xanax (Recreationally)

Day 12

Yet more dizziness, headaches and nausea. All I want to do is lie down, but life must go on. I've been popping fiorinal to lessen this, but even though they aren't terribly strong, I'm worried about developing a codeine/butalbital addiction in place of this goddamn addiction that I'm trying to kick. What is even more frustrating is that I went to a family lunch today and the meal time conversation was drug addiction and how to clean up the streets. As I'm fighting the nausea, my uncle is stating that no matter what your addiction, you can kick it after 4 days of withdrawal. Bullshit! I'm on something given to me by my doctors and after almost 2 weeks on the withdrawal program I keep wondering if I went to the hospital and asked nicely, if they would put me in a barbiturate coma for a month or so.

Even though I feel lousy, I'm going to drop down another 75 mg tonight. I want this over as quickly as possible. At least with the prozac I haven't had to deal with the shocks. It's early, but I think it's time to go smoke up then get to sleep.

Day 10

Woke up after only three or four hours sleep feeling crazy. Like my mind was going fast. Is this what you call having a racing mind? I always assumed that was faster than what I experienced. Eventually got back to sleep. Then this evening started feeling depressed. Have felt that way ever since. Smoked some tea, that seemed to take the edge off. The depression is a familiar enough feeling that I really don't mind it, but I've never had my thoughts race before I started the prozac. I still don't think it's the right word. It's like my brain is flipping through topics very quickly. I always associated racing minds with adrenaline responses or with negative/dangerous thoughts, but these were so banal that I can't even remember them. Boring topics really. Time to take a handful of pills and go off to sleep.

Day 9

Migraines, migraines, migraines. The last few days has been nothing really to speak of except for daily migraines (also, I've been out of town). I can't be certain that these are due to the detox as I am prone to them anyway. I've been thinking of speeding things up and dropping down another 75 mg at the end of the week. We'll see how things go.

Day 5

Was jittery all day. At times it was like every cell of my body was vibrating. I started feeling crazy. Had I not had enough experience with psychotropics, I would think I was it was me that was nuts rather than just reacting to the prozac. What is touted as the miracle drug (well, that penicillin and viagra) is my idea of a monster. But I think I'll stick with it, I can deal with crazy, I can't deal with constant shocks.

Day 4

Felt depressed and anxious most of the day. There were no triggers that caused this. I've been feeling more anxious the past couple of days. Only change so far is the addition of 20 mg of prozac.

Day 3

Ended up the urgent care at my clinic due to a paperwork problem and my clinic's seeming inability to pass on a message to my doctor to please fix the issue. The clinic doctor suggested I stop tapering effexor and start tapering lithium instead since it's an easier withdrawal. Seems like a good idea, but "computer says no". Even with the blood tests and tremor, it's still an easier drug to be on.

It must also be noted that while at the clinic at Ottawa U, the guy in front of me gave the secretary his student card to register, and in the minute and a half they had it, they managed to lose his card. Good stuff.

Day 2

First off, wow. Everyone's comments are amazing, thank you so much, I promise I'll address them individually tomorrow when I have more energy. To clear a few things up, I am only taking prozac to lessen my side effects, it will be stopped after the effexor withdrawal is complete. And effexor isn't my only mood stabilizer, I still take lithium and clonazepam. Those are next on the chopping block.

Today felt fine apart from some anxiety and depression. However I think this may have had more to do with working an 11 hour shift at a crappy job (I start a new job Oct 1, so I don't want to quit for another week), than it does with taking prozac. On days like today, god bless marijuana and god bless clonazepam!

Day 1

Took all 300 mg of effexor and started 20 mg of prozac as a step-down as it's half life is much longer. So far so good. However, I have learned that when they say you should take prozac in the morning, following instructions. I feel like bouncing off the walls, and I need to get to bed. At least I know for next time...

Intro

I've been taking the anti-depressant Effexor (venlafaxine) for probably about five years now, probably a bit longer, and I've had enough. The side effects are not pleasant, and when it's not covered, it's too bloody expensive.

I talked to my doctor today, and I think it helped that he was new and had no idea of my history. But he also doesn't know much about getting off this crazy drug. So we decided on a withdrawal program that will hopefully ease my body from the physical addiction.

I should be noted that many have said that getting off this shit is worse than getting off cocaine.